"Congratulations"

It took me a while to make my relationship public in all the ways you "should" in 2021.

I didn't make it obvious on social media.

I wouldn't hold his hand in public.

I wouldn't talk about him for who he was, my boyfriend, when talking about him to people that mattered on a secondary level.

I wasn't ashamed of him. I dreaded what was coming when people saw Mandie with a boy.            

Eventually, I did make it obvious. I did hold his hand. We went to church together. I posted on Facebook, "Mandie Mia is in a relationship with Anthony Garcia".

People looked at me as if I now mattered.

People smiled at me brighter than ever.

And people congratulated me. The first time it happened, I was caught off guard I thought the woman confused me with someone who was pregnant. So I said, "not me." It took some confusing, half sentences to figure out she was referring to my relationship status change.

Now before I push back at that, I want to let you know that I know and trust people' intentions are good. I appreciate people being happy for me. I have now accepted that people are watching me because they care about me. Love is fun. Relationships are fun.

Here is the problem with comments like "congratulations", "I'm so happy for you." and "I knew it would happen eventually."

In one shot, you have condensed me into a person who was less whole, less worthy, less noticeable, just less, as a single person. Uncongratulatory. Until finally, finally I was put all together and whole. 

You don't mean to. You probably don't even see it that way, but it is that way.

I mean think about it...

As much as we can help it, especially in the Christian community, our lives revolve around "finding the one". So much so that we don't even choose the one, we make the one. We "honor our seasons" by learning how to be good at being single because "once you stop looking, he'll/she'll come". Everything seems to be about relationships even as we're trying to not make it about relationships.

There's a striving to have a boyfriend/girlfriend or to be someone cool enough with being single; so put together that we never admit, even to ourselves, that for the love of God, "I. JUST. WANT. A. BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND!" 

And then there's a striving to get engaged.

And then a striving to be married.

And then a striving to have a baby.

And then a striving to have another kid.

Oh wait, we can't forget the successful careers and owned homes, maybe a dog or two.

And all I want to say about all that striving is, WHO FREAKING CARES about all that?!

O.k. we can care. We should care. I care.

But man, I want God to be all I strive for. More time, love, grace, union, intimacy.

God.

It's exciting to be dating someone. It feels wonderful to have a relationship with Anthony.

Life was wonderful without him, too.

And if God takes me down a path where I live this life without him even after knowing him, I trust it will be wonderful then, too.

Because God is that good.

He's that faithful.

He's that enough.

How about we start congratulating the single men and women who refuse to settle for "close enough"? 

Let's celebrate honoring the covenant of marriage by refusing to commit to it with less than God's best.

I promise there is more to me than being in a relationship.

Every good thing that matters about who I am has nothing to do with my status.

Slow down. Enjoy your people. Work hard. Jesus, matter more than any striving at all because it's finished. We can rest.