come alive

I signed up for an intensive, six month therapy program on January 15th, 2021, with money I didn't have, for help I wanted.

I wanted help.
Of course, I needed help, but this time I chose.

I was two months post a very frustrating, controlling, manipulative and exhausting romantic relationship.
One day I came to the realization of the unhealthy patterns I contributed to that relationship. I had done so much self-development and became self aware in most of the other areas of my life, but dating?

I didn't have the answers, and I thought I was ready. I thought I was healed and whole and ready, but I wasn't. I made a mess, and I needed help cleaning up all the junk in my heart so I could truly love and truly allow myself to be loved.

Here are 10 things I learned to believe during those six months:

1. Control is an illusion.

2. I am able to manage my feelings in a healthy way.

3. Vulnerability is freeing.

4. God literally loves me.

5. I can have a healthy romantic relationship.

6. I can forgive the seemingly unforgiveable.

7. It's not my parents' fault because they didn't know, and they did the best they knew how--just like me.

8. I know better so I can do better.

9. Risks can be worthy it because God has me.

10. There is an incredibly, unbelievable amount of grace that can help heal past pain.

I waited years to lean into the prompting of going to therapy. I believed because I am a counselor that I could process my pain and healing to myself. I was wrong.

Even if you believe nothing is "wrong", preventative care is so good and important. I didn't go the preventative route as soon as I wanted, and I have left collateral damage. I've been hurt, and I'm not sure if any of it could've been avoided. However, I do believe therapy gives us the tools to honor God with our lives in the best way. God will provide the finances, strength and courage. All you have to do is be willing and open and take the risk.