Loving Well

Being a grown up is hard because if you want to be a grown up that will thrive, you have to be mature and stuff. Being mature is hard because you have to get to know yourself, like really get to know yourself. AND you also have to let other people know you. Maturity brings responsibility, and I want to share with you something that has been on my heart.

Loving well to me means that I pay attention to who I am and to who you are and I serve our relationship in a way that honors the both of us.

I think I’ve learned to love really well. I like to credit it to my enneagram number, 8. Eights are very unbiased because we like justice. What is fair, is fair regardless of who you are to me. Or else if wouldn’t be fair, right? I like to think my love is the most honest. Personally, I have a gift of being able to “learn people”, and what I mean by that is I am able to get to know why someone does something. I guess we can all do that, but what I mean is the way I get to know someone is by getting to know how they take in the world and how they serve it. I go into every interaction being hyperaware that this person in front of me is a human being who wants to be loved. This human being is loved by God. Even the person in the drive thru window. I think those two traits have helped me focus on how to love my people the way they need to be loved.

Some will argue that love languages are only about how we receive love, but I disagree. And you will, too, just go read, The 5 Love Languages. You and I receive and give love in different ways. Let me share mine.

I receive love primarily through words of affirmation and quality time. I give love through words of affirmation and gift giving. Quality time when it is not primarily serving to me, exhausts me. And I am really thoughtful so telling you something intentional or buying you something that is just for you, that’s my niche. You notice the difference?

Here is how you can love well: Pay attention to how the other person receives love. It’s not about you. It’s never about you only when it’s God making it about you. If my best friend gifted me something, I would appreciate it because I’m not a jerk, but I would feel most loved by spending time with her. If I wrote my friend a heart warming, affirming letter, she would appreciate it because she’s also not a jerk, but if she feels the most loved by receiving gifts, then I will do that for her.

I believe in order to have better quality in our relationships, we have to seek God. He loves us in the ultimate way, and he shows us how to love in the best way. The sacrificing way. Learn how well you are loved by him, and everything else will feel so free to do.

I enjoy the fact that I have learned my people because now we love each other better, encourage each other, share hard things and challenge each other. Loving well moves our relationships into the safe zone where we can truly sharpen iron and be more like the image of God.