I’m Just Not That Girl

Growing up, through my teens, even into young adulthood, I wasn’t the girl who loved on purpose. I wasn’t the girl who cheered others on. I wasn’t the girl who stowed away observed nuances to use them for love later.

But with God, I’ve always been that girl. God saw my heart of flesh as I tried to hide it—stone after stone.

God is kind. Not only has Jesus made me new, he has refined me to be the real me. He never stops actually. What love. Before him, my words hurt people.—well. Before him, I didn’t care about what made you smile. Before him, I didn’t consider your favorite things. Before him, I was in it for me.

I have been on a mission to make every single person I love feel cared about during COVID-19. Not even just those people, but someone like the Sprouts cashier who shares with me how he hasn’t had a day off in two weeks. I have sent birthday cakes, cards, coffee, videos, voice messages, memes, essential oil (lol) and prayer, duh. I don’t intend to boast. Those things aren’t impressive. But if you knew me seven years ago, you see the miracle God did in me. The impressive part is Jesus.

If all I can do for you is make you feel understood and seen and cared about…I’m all about it. Because you are not a failure. You are not alone. You are not less than. You are not a bad person. You are not perfect. God loves you. God cares about you. You are valid. You are lovely and exist on purpose. You are not in vain. You’re good. You’re worth all of it. You’re worth fighting for. You’re worth choosing. Look at what God did! He chose leaving heaven for earth and then he chose to grow up a Jewish man in one of the darkest times of history and then chose to die because every step of the way your face was at the finish line. Man, that is the sweet reaping I get to choose to live in.

All the lies that try to ruin you can shut up. There is a Truth and it’s powerful and victorious.