Echoes of Truth

There was a moment back in March when Pastor Adam called me to tell me our missions trip was cancelled. It broke me. I sobbed on the phone with a friend who was simply updating me on the changes a pandemic caused. We both didn’t know how to hold that moment. I tried to hold it in. After being sent home to work there indefinitely, freshly grieving my grandma’s death, my church home closing it’s doors indefinitely, not being allowed to go to my safe havens in my friends and family, Adam’s call broke me. I was angry things were being taken from me without my permission. No warning even. Hard “nos”. I felt like I was walking in a house of mirrors. One bump after another, increasingly annoyed, increasingly frustrated, anger.

...how refining.
Did God know I would need it this weekend? The endurance, the resilience, the memory of how I made it through? Did he know I needed to live through the advice I had given so many others. “The worst thing is never the worst thing when we have God.”

One bump after another and now my physiology naturally panics, but there is a quick comfort, an exercised comfort that comes because of what this year has forced me to do—trust God.

I can only do what I can do, and then there’s God. All knowing, promising me it’ll be ok. Gifting me family and friends who are ready to help and catch and defend me. That’s God too, you know? He lives in the people who love us. His kindness manifests through them.

Now when hard things happen or I’m blindsided, I feel my feelings (sometimes I don’t).

My heart reminds me of his word.
I hear the echoes of truth.
I don’t break this time.

Now, there is a peace that naturally overcomes me because the worst thing is not the worst thing because I have God.