Grace + Enabling

“You can’t save everyone.”

I hear my mother’s words all the time. God reminds me of my place with the echo of her lesson from over a decade ago. It’s heavy to carry someone else’s burden. But what does Jesus tell us? His burden is light. That means when we surrender to him, heavy things become light and dark things turn bright.

You don’t have to carry the weight of someone else’s choices.

You can care from afar if that is the better choice.

You can pray. You should pray, first and always first.

You can say “no.”

You can walk away.

You can end the relationship.

Grace can look like that sometimes. Other times, it does mean staying. It looks like fighting relentlessly the way Jesus fights for us.

I’m reminded of the times in the Bible when Jesus chose to get away. He’d been pouring out into other’s with the Father’s strength and he still needed to take some alone time and refill. He spent time with God so he could love the next person.

You’re frustrated because people won’t do what you think is best. Fair. You’re frustration isn’t going to change the situation. Shaking your fist in the air or their face isn’t going to soften your heart.

Where does grace lie in this? In you. You can put up your boundaries and have grace. Maybe grace for you looks like not thinking negative thoughts or saying hurtful words. Maybe grace for you looks like stepping away instead of proving your point.

When have we ever been talked into something that was about life change? Not that often. We analyze and consider and compare. We are rarely without information. We are without motivation to change. We are without discipline to change. Complacency feels nice because it’s comfortable. Telling someone “one more time” isn’t going to make them do what they already know is best. And you’re the one left frustrated. You’re the one left feeling bitter and resentful.

Friend, it’s o.k. to let other people make their mistakes.

Surrender the responsibility to your good God who is already taking care of it.

Do only what you can do, and if in this season all you could do is move out on your own and pray privately, do that. It’s good enough.

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tips from Courageous Mind Counseling

Boundaries are important and necessary in every relationship.
Grace is good. We need to know the difference between grace and being taken advantage of.
Having a healthy relationship means both people exercise grace.
The quality of effort is equal.
If you don’t know how to manage these areas in a relationship, seek a professional counselor.